Newspaper Columns

Nuclear Strategies Down at the Ol’ Saloon

by | Mar 16, 2018 | Newspaper Columns | 0 comments

Imagine a college basketball team, the Eagles. It has lost to the Vultures eighty times over the last forty years. Can you imagine? The teams meet twice a year. And every year and every game, the Eagles lost. For four decades.

The Eagles changed coaches several times. They changed the roster of assistant coaches multiple times. They hired consultants galore. They sought and acted on advice from any number of basketball experts. They tried different offences. And different defenses. They changed cheerleaders. They deployed streakers to distract the Vultures.

Countless complicated plays failed for them. Innumerable strategies fell short. The Eagles tried a freeze. The Vultures beat them. The Eagles ran fast-breaks ‘til their lungs screamed. The Vultures whipped them. The Eagles packed the arena with their fans, wall-to-wall. The Vultures won again. The Eagles tried a full-court press. And a half-court press. And a quarter-court press.  The Vultures thumped them.

The desperate Eagles even resorted to using spies. To steal the Vultures’ game plans and plays.  They also tried to bribe the Vultures.  But the Vultures took the money and beat them anyway.

Everything the Eagles tried, failed. They lost every game against those damned Vultures.

Hope springs eternal. This season the Eagles hired a new coach. A coach with a difference. He has never coached basketball. Never played it. And from the start, he announced an odd-looking game plan for the big Vultures game. No one has ever seen such a weird game plan.

Well, the air is suddenly filled with noise from critics, experts, alumni, fans, coaches current and retired. Even the cheerleaders chipped in. The plan is stupid, they cry. It can’t work. The coach is a moron. He’ll be blind-sided. He should do this, instead. He should do that. He should be prepared for this from the Vultures.

The new coach silenced them all. With one remark. “I will listen to anyone who has been successful against the Vultures.”

Which is probably what Donald Trump should say to the chorus of critics he has aroused. Now that he has signaled he is happy to sit down with North Korean dictator Kim-whatever-his-name-is. To discuss Kim’s nuclear bombs and missiles.

The chorus is big. It includes former presidents. Former Secretaries of State. Prime ministers. Korean experts. Foreign policy experts. Defense figures here and abroad. Lots of professors. There are columnists and TV chatterers. And movie stars. Don’t ever forget the movie stars. They know everything about everything.

He does not know what he is doing, they sing out. He is a moron. Kim will outsmart him. Trump should do this.  Or that. Or both. Or neither.

Trump should invite all of them to a fancy dinner at the White House. With one stipulation. They have to have had success with North Korea. Their policies or their ideas have to have worked with Kim or his father. “If you can show me how you or your ideas succeeded with North Korea, please come to dinner.”

The President would dine alone. And if he felt he needed some good ideas for dealing with Kim he could go for a walk.  To the nearest saloon. “I’ll buy a beer for anybody who has got a new idea for dealing with Little Rocket Man Kim.”

Why not? There is no one on earth who has changed Kim and his father’s path to nuclear weapons. All have failed. No one has credibility. The failures of our top people over the years allowed Kim to advance to a highly dangerous position. Nice going, guys. Kim may soon be able to snuff out millions of lives with his nukes.

To any and all in that chorus of advisors and critics, Trump could ask “Why should I take your advice?” They would find it difficult to answer.

The Eagles plan this week is to try karate against the Vultures. Hey, you never know.

From Tom…as in Morgan.

Find Tom on Facebook. You can write to Tom at tomasinmorgan@yahoo.com.