Newspaper Columns

How do you spell intelligence? S-T-U-P-I-D

by | Jul 20, 2018 | Newspaper Columns | 0 comments

We have had the big kafuffle over Trump and Putin. The biggest laugh lines were when the critics attacked the President. Because he showed disrespect for our intelligence agencies. He, and we, are supposed to genuflect before these holy institutions.

Sorry, but my knees won’t allow me to genuflect, curtsy or kneel. Nor will my head. In fact, my head suggests we change the word “intelligence” to “stuff”. These agencies do gather intelligence. Along with tons of garbage. And too often they cannot tell the difference. Central Stuff Agency would be more accurate.

Consider: Our vaunted intelligence agencies failed to warn us of the attacks on the World Trade Towers and Pentagon. Utterly failed. There were many attackers. There were many financiers and enablers. They all dropped clues by the dozens. They phoned each other.  They entered flight schools. They laid plans to commandeer three huge planes.

Our “intelligence” guys discovered clues. They intercepted messages. Some figured out some things were amiss. But their bosses ignored them or smothered them. Brilliant. Nobody came close to putting the pieces together. Their failure led to disaster. That disaster led to a few wars. Only a few.

Bush and Blair did not sit up in their beds one night and decide to invade Iraq. They burped up this war after gorging on “intelligence” from the finest intel agencies on earth.

Consider: Our mighty “stuff” agencies determined for sure that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. They connected with mighty “stuff” agencies from our allies.  All of them assured our president and the UK’s prime minister that Iraq was chock-a-block with WMD’s.  Right.

Consider: Thousands of our intelligence guys studied the USSR during the Cold War. They planted spies. They infiltrated. They tapped and eavesdropped. They interrogated escapees. They produced mountains of “intelligence” on the Evil Empire.

Ahh, but they missed a few tiny items. One tiny item was the collapse of the USSR.  Our “intelligence” agencies never saw it coming. And they never even knew that the USSR population was a lie.  The USSR told the world it had 20 or 30 million more people than it did. A small item. Pretty hard for our magnificent intel agencies to miss 30 million people.  But they did.

Consider: The head of one of our vaunted agencies, the FBI, lied to Congress. He also leaked FBI information to the press.

The former heads of two other intel agencies lied to Congress. Under oath. And one of them (possibly both) clearly leaked information to the press.  Hey! These are not the minions. These are the big boys. The guys we are supposed to genuflect to.

Consider: Our Secretary of State decides to run a home-brew email system. Sends thousands of State Department emails over a system as secure as your nearest coffee klatch. Communicates with the President of the United States on this primitive system. And our “intelligence” agencies miss this?

We only now learn virtually all her messages were automatically routed to a foreign power. And our “intelligence” agencies miss this?

Meanwhile, many thousands of State Department emails are routed to her assistant’s home computer? Shared by a pervert husband who sends photos of his jockey shorts to teenage girls? And our “intelligence” agencies miss this? Until many months afterward?

Consider: Extra-marital affairs are the gasoline for the bonfires of blackmail. Blackmail 101. So who does the FBI appoint to run the important Hillary email investigation? Who does the FBI nominate to the Trump-collusion investigation? Two lovers! Married! Nitwit lovers. They exchange thousands of incriminating emails.  And the FBI does not detect? Or does nothing about? These lovebirds are really senior FBI people!

Consider: You gotta be blind if you cannot see by now that senior guys in our intelligence agencies tried to skew the election. You gotta be blind to not see that they tried to undo that election after it did not go their way.

Please consider all of the above. Consider it next time you hear a bobbing head or politician slam the President for not pledging his full support to our intelligence agencies.

The stuff agencies is a good term for them. And I can think of many more terms that would be more appropriate for them. Next time guys from the agencies appear before Congress they should pipe in chase music from the old Keystone Cops movies.

Intelligence agencies my tush.

From Tom…as in Morgan.

Find Tom on Facebook. You can write to Tom at tomasinmorgan@yahoo.com.